In my waking hours, I fantasize about sleep. Softest, restful flannel sheets and fluffy goose-down sleep. Sleepy dozing, sweet-dreaming slumber. The completely elusive but oft-desired perfectly perfect sleep.
I fantasize about crawling into bed and quieting my mind, turning off my internal mommy-monitor, and I wonder how long I would sleep if no one came to wake me. Do you ever wonder? No baby cries, no toddler standing like a ghost hovering above my pillow, no husband snoring, no phillips head screw driver hiding inside the sheets . . . would I sleep for five hours? Would I sleep until next Tuesday? Next February?
Fifty years from now, age 83 and wrinkled, will I lay awake in my bed, unwilling to sleep, mind full of memories of baby cries and children’s needs? Will I ache to be needed and dream of those love-filled exhausted days? Yes, I believe I will. I see that old woman and she hands me encouragement today like a beautifully wrapped packaged. She lifts her tousled head off the pillow and nods with the wisdom of years lived.
She quietly whispers “embrace it big and love it full.”
I nod back at her; tell her I will see her and that dreamy restful bed one day in the future. But not too soon. The tiring days stretch long but the months, the years, they disappear oh too quickly. And they are precious jewels. Rare and beautiful treasures.
Until then I will love my babies, nurse yet another cup of strong black coffee.
I will embrace it big.
and if just for today, love it full.
I am so proud of you, Erin. I wish I lived closer to bring you food and take the babies so you could nap. The newborn stage is so hard.
I love you~
“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Ps 4:8
So precious to read, even in my sleep deprived, hugging coffee mug state. 😉 Thank you, as always, for the gentle reminder of how truly blessed I am!
While I am past the sleep deprived nights for the most part, this still reminds me to enjoy every second of the boys right now because they are growing so fast. It is all precious and beautiful, even the messy and loud times. 🙂
So true…my baby graduates college this spring. Didn’t I just register him for preschool? But how joyful it has been to watch him become a wonderful young man!
Debbie, thank you for encouraging us younger moms!! Your time is well spent 😉 and we appreciate you!
amen, and amen. love you, you wonderful mama.
I got teary eyed reading that & then seeing the babe resting on his mama. even in the wee hours of the night when I think I can’t possible get up again, I remind myself of his sweet smell & how one day he’ll not need me in this way. love you friend!!
tracey, I couldn’t do motherhood without you.
Only by the grace of God did I truly not mind those middle of the night wakings with #5 – I finally got that these days would quickly pass. Not that I don’t get grumpy or rely too heavily on good coffee, but it is a pleasure to shower love on the little ones.
P.S. That droopy bunny lives here and I love to see it’s floppiness in chubby arms!
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am mother to six and am now a grandmother. I am the “you” of the future. I miss the busy, hectic and exciting days of my children’s youth, but treasure the relationships I have with my grown children that were forged during those long and tiring days. Now, I offer understanding to my children who are young parents now themselves. Hang in there, Mommies. It is worth every moment of lost quiet.
Mary, LOVE LOVE LOVE this comment, thank you!
You are writing my mind today…was up four (4!!!!) times with Maley last night. I would go in her room and say, “what, you just want mama to hold you?” and she would just say “yes.” oh I will miss that one day, so I got up each time and held her close and rubbed her little fleecy pajama-ed back. Aren’t we lucky mamas?
Oh Erin, such truth in this! My boys are about to turn 10 & 8 – and already it is this way for me. I love the “them” they are now, but goodness do I miss the little them & those too-full days. xo
My one and only baby left for college this fall. Trust me, you will long for the days when you were needed and gazed at adoringly, where they want nothing more than something as simple as your time and attention. I love the relationship I have with my 18 year old daughter but I long for days she was mine ~ totally and completely mine! Smell there heads, pat their cheeks and snuggle them close while you can; then get some sleep so you have the patience to be the mother you want to be.
Those memories so distant now in what are called the golden years, rise up and present themselves once more as I anticipate seeing the grand-children on Thanksgiving Day, and in their wonderful faces I see that little boy of long ago and remember the joy he brought to me, this one who is God’s gracious gift…Jon and his little brother James as well. Thank you Erin, for the memory reminder.
Just catching up on 5 months of posts! For some reason they stopped showing up on my blog feed.
Love the cottage and Love James! Adorable!!
Beautifully stated! I am nursing my third cup of coffee this morning as I was up with a sick ten month old last night. These are the days! I am so thankful for them, but I often wonder how long I could sleep if I could turn off my internal mommy-monitor. My mother says that it will never be turned off.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Such a precious post…
Hi there. I randomly came across your blog via a search for scripture on Pintrest. I am a mother of two boys, one is two and a half and the other 4 months old. I just wanted to say that I am so blessed to read some of your blogs and have been encouraged as a mommy of little ones. My husband works as a firefighter and is gone many nights out of the week. It is a blessing to find encouragment from other mom’s who are going through similar challenges and are trying to raise their kids in the admonition of the Lord. God Bless you as you share your life and encourage others to draw near to the Lord:). It’s been great reading.