It is a cool and rainy January night when my toddler boy wakes crying and struggling for breath.
My mama brain is like a text book: “hot steamy shower,” “cool night air,” “keep the baby calm.” I recite the rules of croup over and over because rules keep out the emotions that fight to overtake composure. There can only be one set of tears and tonight they are rightfully his. He breathes in the steam and barks like a seal, his eyes wide with fear.
“It’s okay, baby. You are just fine. Just fine. Mommy’s here.”
Eventually we drive to the emergency room, windows down, wet night air like medicine. The moon is a sliver of pie, eventually overshadowed by the bright florescent lights of a hospital bay. I keep whispering to him.
“It’s okay. You are okay. Mommy’s here.”
And all healing comes from God, but I am thankful that sometimes He uses human vessels and medicine that I can see with my doubting-Thomas eyes. Which is why I love the shot that helps him breathe, but he doesn’t understand, he only feels more pain to compound the already distressing night, so I cradle him close and just sing and sing. I sing his favorite song. The emergency room is quiet in the middle of the night and I cannot sing quietly enough to contain my voice, so I unintentionally sing to the sick and the hurting around us.
Holy, Holy, Holy.
My eyes take in the contents of the room and I am surprised to see my very own love letter, that cherished word of God sitting on a table, less than 6 inches from the garbage can. Maybe it’s exhaustion or those bright buzzing lights but I can’t take my eyes from that bible as I sing to my boy who clings tightly to my chest. There is my Lord, my savior and my King, right beside our earthly garbage, right there amidst the sickness and the fear.
And God says, “It’s okay, beloved. You are just fine. Just fine. Your Father is here.”
So I praise Him who is ever-present.
I am so grateful, for this night God has chosen to heal.
“God looks down from heaven
on all mankind
to see if there are any
any who seek God.”
May you be encouraged today, friend. Be encouraged, because He is there.
So sorry to hear your sweet boy is sick! Seems these are especially the times when our Mama hearts call full-heartedly out to our Lord! Thankful He is always working His best for His Beloved. Will be praying for Wynn and your family. Sending our love…
Beautiful, beautiful. Thank you for this encouragement. You have such a gorgeous Mama heart.
Absolutely love your writings. Praying for your baby!
So very thankful for that faithfulness, even when we are fearful of where our next breath will come, or if it will. Thankful for those God puts around us to be that balm as He works in those places.
Thank you for sharing. God is so good!
Your post is a rare and beautiful treasure that brought me to tears. I’m so glad your son is healthy again and I’m so glad that in the midst of it all you had a voice to speak for Him, to Him and because of Him. Blessings to you!
I’m sorry your sweet boy was sick and your Mama heart ached, but thankful he is healed and that you found comfort in the only One who truly can. Beautiful post.
I am so sorry your son was sick. Hope he is feeling much better! Thank your for posting these beautiful words of encouragment. I have a special needs child and have been struggling a bit lately. I truely needed to read this post. Thank you.
Btw, I discovered your blog just a few weeks ago and have loved reading it. It seems to have a calming affect on me:)
He is there…in all things…
in sickness and in health…he is there.
praising God that your boy was healed….praising God he has the comfort of knowing that you are there with him…in that truth he is learning that God is there, too.
You are right, He is there. So beautifully said. Made me get teary eyes remembering the nights wrapped in blankets, outside, singing. Thinking about how fragile they are. Best wishes to your family.
Rejoicing with you for healing and praising Him for giving us songs to sing over the sick and hurting. I can be encouraged (and I needed encouragement this week) and reminded that come what may He is there. Thanks for the words friend!
I am SO sorry you all had to go through that, Erin. thank Goodness it’s behind you. John often quotes Mr. Woodhouse (in “Emma”) saying you don’t know what fear is until you havea child. love you.
Thank you for your thoughts and your words of faith. My daughter and I went through the same thing with 7-year-old Sam last Sunday night. I kept my eyes and heart on Jesus. He is our healer and he healed Sam. He continues to bless us greatly.
I am so grateful for Sam’s healing.