It is a cool and rainy January night when my toddler boy wakes crying and struggling for breath.
My mama brain is like a text book: “hot steamy shower,” “cool night air,” “keep the baby calm.” I recite the rules of croup over and over because rules keep out the emotions that fight to overtake composure. There can only be one set of tears and tonight they are rightfully his. He breathes in the steam and barks like a seal, his eyes wide with fear.
“It’s okay, baby. You are just fine. Just fine. Mommy’s here.”
Eventually we drive to the emergency room, windows down, wet night air like medicine. The moon is a sliver of pie, eventually overshadowed by the bright florescent lights of a hospital bay. I keep whispering to him.
“It’s okay. You are okay. Mommy’s here.”
And all healing comes from God, but I am thankful that sometimes He uses human vessels and medicine that I can see with my doubting-Thomas eyes. Which is why I love the shot that helps him breathe, but he doesn’t understand, he only feels more pain to compound the already distressing night, so I cradle him close and just sing and sing. I sing his favorite song. The emergency room is quiet in the middle of the night and I cannot sing quietly enough to contain my voice, so I unintentionally sing to the sick and the hurting around us.
Holy, Holy, Holy.
My eyes take in the contents of the room and I am surprised to see my very own love letter, that cherished word of God sitting on a table, less than 6 inches from the garbage can. Maybe it’s exhaustion or those bright buzzing lights but I can’t take my eyes from that bible as I sing to my boy who clings tightly to my chest. There is my Lord, my savior and my King, right beside our earthly garbage, right there amidst the sickness and the fear.
And God says, “It’s okay, beloved. You are just fine. Just fine. Your Father is here.”
So I praise Him who is ever-present.
I am so grateful, for this night God has chosen to heal.
“God looks down from heaven
on all mankind
to see if there are any
any who seek God.”
May you be encouraged today, friend. Be encouraged, because He is there.