Two short weeks and counting.
Tonight I pray for God to work a miracle through me, to meet me in my weakness. I need Him here tonight. My heart begs for the energy, heart and spirit to be the mother to two little boys.
As I am typing, my toddler boy climbs in my lap and throws his arms around my neck. He says, “Oh I love my darlin’.” For a moment, everything else fades away.
I beseech God to grow my heart exponentially to love two little persons with the crazy abandon that I naturally came to love the first. It seems impossible to me-that such a capacity could exist- but I know my God is the author of miracles. Tonight, I am counting on it.
Not that I would be enough, but that He would be there, ever sufficient.
Clothes and diapers are washed, dried and waiting. The nursery is the same as done.
Today we made homemade graham crackers and baked apples-just me and my first baby boy. I took extra time to let him shake and smell the cinnamon, even though I knew he would spill it on the floor. “Oh, I love my darlin’,” I whispered to him. Apparently the words held weight, stuck in his memory, because he hands them back to me tonight.
Does he know? That we are all going to be oh-so-blessed, but stretched and tired? Punch-drunk with love but worn thin?
Does he know that the worn places are sacred, that when we come to the end of ourselves, we come to the strength of the Savior?
“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses . . . in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
Can I teach my toddler boy this truth, not by words alone, but action and grace and unfailing mama love? Can my very life teach him this?
I pray and pray hard, a desperate begging prayer, for the sake of my children:
In the worn and fraying hours, Lord, may I surrender so that they may see You. Take me to places worn, if it means they will see your face.
My prayers fall at the foot of His thrown, my God of miracles and mercy. I tug pajamas over the head of my toddler boy. We brush teeth. We read stories. Time marches forward tonight.
For now, we are all waiting.
Waiting on baby.
Waiting on God’s perfect timing.
Waiting on grace sure to come.
Love this. Love all your words. I always do. You seem to know how to write exactly what you are feeling. What I know you feel because I felt it too. Your heart will grow and God will lead you through! Best of luck
Wonderful words of wisdom! Those last 2 weeks are so hard! Hope all goes well with your delivery! Prayers from one Mom to another!
Love, love, love. Love that you took the time to let him shake the cinnamon. Precious times, my friend.
I was thinking of you tonight as I make preparations to celebrate my 2nd boy’s birthday, my own James. God is so good and will bless you abundantly.
Beautiful post. That grace will come, that love will come. It will have its hard moments, but two little boys is a treasure I never knew would be so priceless. I was so scared around this time last year, but now I wonder how I didnt know that our lives were clearly missing a little Luke.
You absolutely capture the sweetness that surrounds the coming of a baby. My mother had six children and I remember when the first pains of labor hit me with my first baby that the thought in my mind was, “How did my mother do this six times!!”? One thing I know for sure after five children is that He always answered my prayer’s for help with my children. Sometimes he sent angel’s to keep them happy when I was in bed sick myself or when I was tending to another child. Sometimes he blessed me with kind neighbors and friends to help me. And he blessed me with a good man as my husband. As I write this I am teary and reminded that he will continue to help me even thought they are all out of the baby stage. Labor and delivery were the time in my life when I sensed heaven the closest. I am so happy for you and your husband that you get to have this blessing. You will be in my prayers!
How very beautiful!!
OH, what a beautiful post! You’ve captured my innermost thoughts so eloquently. My waking and sleeping thoughts are on these very tender subjects! “God, when you bless me with another sweet one, help me, again, to be the sweet Mama You’ve helped me become for my first pumpkin.” “God, whatever it takes help me to teach my son Your complete truth and Your absolute love, Your sacrifices.”
It’s so important to me. It’s my core and I am so eternally grateful that my Savior hears every thought and prayer I have and that He can and will answer these.
Thank you for sharing this, my heart needed to read this tonight! Praying with you!
As always, such beautiful words that bring tears to my eyes. You are going to love having two baby boys!
I was thinking of you today. I remember easily the anticipation before the birth of my babies. I’m saying a prayer for your peace and strength in the coming days as you wait for your new little one!
Sweet Girl–I just wanted to tell you that I felt, too, ill-prepared for Baby 2’s arrival. I had spent nine months throwing up, living on zofran and stale drinks, and I was tired. Mind-numbingly tired. And I was ready in the sense of the room, the clothes, the carseat–but I wasn’t sure I was really “ready”. And I wasn’t sure my first, my Ben, was ready either. But God met us at EVERY STEP. Every second, he was there with us. Every tear, every yawn, every tiny moment–he was there. And I wanted to promise you something–your heart simply doubles in size. A miracle happens that is unlike any other as you grow from one child to more–and suddenly, there’s just the right amount of love. And you do love them BOTH fiercely, completely, wholeheartedly. You just do, and it kind of sneaks up on you, in the softest, sweetest way. Naturally. Supernaturally! The most amazing part will be watching your darling Wynn fall in love alongside you. Blessings to you all!!!! In Him–Amanda