When I was a little girl, my sisters and I had a snow globe with a snowman inside wearing a tiny cerulean scarf. Everything inside the glass was still and quiet until a vigorous shake from small hands sent the flecks of snow flying in a beautiful frenzy.
I remember the snow globe and its black velveteen bottom as I lay with my toddler boy tonight, his little frame, half asleep, cradled against my side. His heart, his beautiful little heart, is spinning inside this beautiful frenzy. There is a new baby in his house, a shift in his foundation.
Days ago I sat with him as he painted a picture with watercolors. Blues and violets bled together on a page of white.
“This is the sky, mama,” he says, pointing with his brush.
“It’s pretty, baby,” I answer halfheartedly, my attention in part on his newborn sister nursing in my lap.
“And this ,” he says painting a smudge of royal blue atop watery lavender clouds, “is God.”
My attention snaps to his paper. The room is now quiet and large, this moment set apart. My toddler boy leans over his art and whispers with conviction into the paper, “My mommy loves you, God.”
I pray for his beautiful heart tonight as I lay beside him. Everyone says this time will pass soon. The behavior that I see from him now, the separation anxiety and the anger, so contrary to the beautiful heart I know, will end. But while I wait on that calm to return, my child is hurting and my concerns and my own anxieties have me truly rattled.
I take it to the Lord in prayer, asking Him very simply for wisdom and discernment, according to His perfect will, in raising my three year-old and shepherding his heart. And then I let it go. I have earnestly sought the Lord in prayer and I am assured He will give me wisdom and discernment. He will help me. His Word promises me this. I believe His word. He will help me tomorrow.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”
1 John 5:14
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.* Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11
* “rest” in the original Greek of the New Testament is the word anapausis which translates: to keep quiet, of calm and patient expectation.
I rest tonight. Anapausis. My heart quiet and calm in patient expectation. I look up and let the proverbial snow fall and fall into a silent blanket of white. For this is our Lord, the Holy One of Israel, who hears the prayers of His children and who gives freely His peace and rest to all who believe and call on His name.
I loved reading this. So beautifully written and totally relatable. I have a 2 1/2 year old, our “difficult child.” He hits and bites and throws things, things our first child never did. But I hate describing him that way. He has a beautiful little heart and the Lord loves him more than me. He has definitely caused me to seek the Lord earnestly with how to shepherd him towards Christ. Thank you for reminding me to ever hold it before Him. It was very encouraging to me! I also loved how you looked up the original Greek meaning. That is so important when studying God’s Word. I need to do it more often.
This resonates so much with me as I too have a three-year-old who is acting out due to his foundation being shaken with the birth of his newborn baby brother a few weeks ago. I heard him pray to Jesus the other night in his bedroom saying “I am your boy Jesus.” My eyes filled with tears after a long day of power struggles instantly knowing the truth in his words. I love how our kids belong to the Lord, gifted to us and He loves them so fiercely. Beautiful, true words you’ve written! Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you for the sweet encouragement.
Whenever I read your sweet stories…even today..my heart and soul feel the hush of holiness. Like when your son said ” and this is God, and my mommy loves you, God.”
My son’s childhood days are long over, I miss them, and remember that a mother can only mother best with God’s help.
And it reminds me that although he is 26 now, a mother still has her concerns, that God hears her heart cries.
One verse I always loved, with reference to my child and I is in Psalm 84, vs 3…”Even the sparrow has found a home, and a swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young, a place near your altar.”
We can never be wrong as we place them in prayer, at His altar.
As well, I appreciate the two things that jumped out at me on a day I really needed to hear it, “I let it go” and what “rest” really means..I needed to hear both this morning..and you know Erin..this is so wonderful..
In my earnest prayer this morning..I thought of your blog, and the gentleness and beauty of it for some reason, I know you only have a fraction of time to write, and really never expected to read one this morning..but then there it was!
He makes all things beautiful in His time..God bless and keep you all.
You speak the truth and I thank you for it! I struggle with the part of the 1 John verse “according to HIS will.” Hmmm, not my will… Every time my boys act out about not getting what they want, or not having things the way they wanted them like my oldest today “I didn’t want my sandwich cut in 4 pieces!” Accompanied by stomping of feet and seriously ungrateful heart I am reminded that I, myself can be so immature in my heart and attitudes and whoops! I am supposed to be the one modeling the mature faith. It’s like when you pray for something specific (and more consequential than a sandwich) for years and years and God has different plans. I have recently felt like stomping my feet and being angry, thinking that because someone else prayed and got the desires of their heart that I somehow know better than God and deserve to go around with an ugly attitude. Yes, REST. We can rest in knowing that God has bigger and better plans than we could ever dream up for ourselves or our children. And JOY will have to be my choice. He will continually prove His faithfulness in my life to accomplish more than I can ask, dream up or have the natural ability to achieve. Thank you for encouraging me, here is my word to you. Anything He has called us to will begin in our own homes as we serve as the hands and feet of Jesus. That we can rest in.
Love seeing photographs of your sweet ones as always, you are such an artist.
Thank you for sharing your gentle spirit and reminding us all of the grace God provides when we trust in his will.
Erin. You have the most beautiful blog. Your photography and writing is stunning. Not many writers have your talent. When you write, it speaks to my heart. You should write a book my friend! I’ll buy it!! I love you and am so glad you write about God and everything in your beautiful life. I’ve said this before, your blog is my very favorite! I hope you never stop!!! Thank you for inspiring me as a mother. I know I’m a better mother because of the words you write! You are such a beautiful person! Xo
Erin, I don’t know how to comment in Instagram, so I submit my comment here on the photo of duck eggs. I’ve lived and worked in Cambodia and Thailand, where duck eggs are sold in the market. You can use them in cookies and cakes with very little difference in flavour compared to using chicken eggs. Love from Charlotte Andres